Summer shines down

What better way to spend a Saturday morning than at the beach, we headed off early to beat the crowds and arrived in time for a breakfast of Champagne and strawberries on the shore. Once the masses arrived, feeling refreshed and invigorated by the sun and the scenery we headed off to a gay union in Fitzroy Gardens. What greeted us were flamingos, dolphins, dogs in tutu's and all manner of campness and frivolity. It was shaping up to a be a perfect day, I delighted in the trail around the park, the pauses for song, quizes, high jump and high jinks allowed the bubbles to fizz in my head and the conversation to flow. Australian's certainly know how to throw a party...



Black Rock Beach   The calmness before the masses arrive - we left as the beach was becoming overwhelming   My infatuation with the cars of Melbourne continues...   The flamingo and the unicorn.   Much campness in the park
Two hot dolphins

How to survive Melbourne

Thank you Miss K for your email, it’s reassuring hearing from other ‘out of towners’ about their perception of Melbourne, I sense there are a few similarities of opinions, I too am struggling to find ‘the place’, the Cheers bar that keeps pulling me back, the club that I can’t resist forming bonds with to ensure I am treated with an air of familiarity and acceptance. Perhaps the non-existence of these places is what makes Melbourne unique or maybe the do exist and I am yet to discover then, or dare I say it, I’ve become too desensitised (coming from a bigger city or being slightly more worldly wise ‘ahem’ older) that I fail to appreciate everything I have uncovered thus far.

I have managed to wind up/stumble upon quite a few decent house parties, a particular highlight was a Winter themed party, with jumpers, fake snow, fires and ski suits, pretty much all visits have occurred randomly and have the result of probing, persevering and saying yes to unpredictable and on occasion uncomfortable situations. Melbourne is a place of great cafes and even better house parties, all of which require a great deal of smiling and work to infiltrate, even now my links to these worlds are at best tenuous. However there is a lot to be said for stamina, and momentum, I haven’t stopped speaking to people since I arrived no matter how much of a dick I’ve felt at times.

For information on how to find people to talk at, try here

1. Melbourne Art Openings This is a fantastic tool for free booze and art; pretty much most of my Wednesdays/Thursdays when I've been lost and looking for inspiration have come blossomed here. There are lots of cute, creatively dressed types at these events. You can even go it alone under the guise of art - most importantly, the booze is heavily discounted or FREE, a great social lubricant. Be careful of too many fizzy whites on an empty stomach.

2. The Thousands (Three Thousand for Melbourne) The Thousands are GREAT, slightly more user friendly and less fluro before the revamp; I’m slowly adjusting to the new design. The OUT section usually has better ideas on what one should be doing with there time, whether its music, art or fashion there is something to entice. The guys at Rightanglestudio are business savvy and are making the site work.

3. FESTIVALS There are an unbelievable amount of Melbourne based festivals to attend, volunteer - be involved in. The Australian World Music Expo (AWME) http://www.awme.com.au/, happens in November, I’ll helping the producers which is a great way to make connections. There are a ridiculous amount of events happening, there is an international film festival running now. The Wheeler Centre always has something interesting on.

I make myself go to as many places in Melbourne as possible, from shopping visits to obscure Savers to visiting well reviewed cheap eats in Footscray. It’s important to explore and find your own little spots. Okay so maybe (as you seem nice) I’ll share a few with you, certain places work at different days/times of the week, bars/spots have changeable vibes/crowds.

(i). Max out your area to suss out the best coffee shops, its an obvious one, yet imperative. I live just off Lygon so the best ones near me are Small Block, Each Peach, Sourdough and Greens if I’m looking for quantity. The Gelobar is tacky but nice, bar wise Eydies has great décor and friendly staff, feeling welcome is important. Shame but that’s the only bar I’ve really enjoyed near me, oh dear, perhaps I need to invest more time. Blackhearts and Sparrows - great for take out booze. To be honest I’m convinced there are some killer bars that I’m not cool enough to know about, with dancing and everyone being nice to each other whilst they go nuts. If anyone finds them…?

(ii). Smith Street, Northcote High Street, Sydney Road, Carlton, all these places you know already I can name specific bars, however I’ve not been blown away by any of them, half decent ones include, Gasometer, Joes Shoe Bar, Wesley Anne, Retreat, Old Post Office, Geralds Bar. In town, there are plenty of options, get the pack of playing/bar cards and ask around.

(iii). Take up an activity, Go-Go Dancing, Drawing Straws (life drawing), Choir, Vintage Fairs, anything that encourages interaction with humans is good. (iv) Club wise the is RGOB (Buffalo club), Anytime Place, Worker’s on a Monday, nights pulling the cool kids are Can’t Say and _____ (trying to find on facebook will update).

Basically I spend a lot of time reading, stalking, eavesdropping and drilling people for information, it could work for you too.



 
Slipping in disguised as a child ready to listen in on peoples conversations

Posthumous consideration of China, part one - getting lost amongst a sea of service points

China has the largest population in the world and the fastest growing economy, when the prospect of traveling to China first entered my head I was fearful, almost put off. Yet in my 30th year I had faced no challenges, and had failed to mark the event in any way. This was to be my marathon, my big party, and an acknowledgement to myself that I had reached womanhood. In fact my 30th birthday was such a flop that had I failed to make a go of China, lost all my luggage, been robbed and come home I doubt I would have come close to how I felt on that fateful day. In fact China on the contrary scarcely proved any of my preconceptions, it was much safer than London, even as a tourist. The scams were much more subtle, the tea house ploy, where 'language students' invited you for (ridiculously) overpriced tea in order to become better acquainted with the cultures and accents of our gracious land, only to present you with a rather large bill. Fortunately this scam was only played out in certain hotspots and aimed at the more masculine of the species, one with a penchant for cute Chinese girls, of which there were many. I did however get accosted fresh from the metro station - looking every bit the tired vulnerable tourist, it was when I was asking a guard for directions - two women with quick tongues became rather interested as to where I was headed and wanted to show me where to go. There friendliness baffled me, as it didn't tally with their hardened faces, it wasn't my prejudice but my natural instincts operating effectively. I declined and pressed on, yet still they followed me up the road maintaining their faux friendly manner, proof that they wanted something from me. That was Beijing, in a large population, there will always be an element of people who will try and make money from deception. Two separate guests at the hostel (both male) became victim of the same tea (or one case coffee) plot during my stay.

China on the whole is extremely safe, especially when it comes to theft, no one likely to mug you, although there was a glut of pick pockets in Xi'an. The culture lends itself more to trickery and entrepreneurialism as a means of income, which is fine by me. Service points are useful on occasion, although have a tendency to be overpriced. Arriving fresh off a sleeper train in Leijiang I encountered a sea of 'entreprenuers' all offering the same service at varying prices and language barriers, which was intimidating. Especially when you're the only 'white face' and there are 60 of them, it's 5am and still pitch black, I’m desperate need of a pee, so I carry on walking, straight past the vultures wanting to make bread and look for a different service. A bus perhaps, but there is no station guard and barely anyone speaks English. I have just been to the loo with my backpack still attached, there is no safe place to leave it and the floor is disgusting, struggling to get my jeans back on I realise half the liquid didn't make it into the hole in the ground.



Wanting to get out of here I search for the meanest guy who looks like he may have stepped foot out of the province, and ask him the necessary information. Shocked by my attempts to converse, he delivers his response without hesitation. I’m on the bus, and haven't a clue where I’m going, when to get off, what to look for, who to ask. I merely pull open the book and point with a tired smile to anyone that will entertain. Someone tells me to get off, unsure whether it's a ploy to get you into their brother's bakery for buns, I hesitate, a relaxed hesitation mind, I’m waiting to gauge reaction - the bus grinds to a halt and everyone is waiting for me to exit. I’m now wandering the streets asking school children for directions; there English tends to be more advanced than the average adult. They seem bewildered by my presence and offer a finger, mostly aimed in different directions, it appears they do not know, but want to save face. It is a given that Chinese people out of politeness will offer a solution/answer even when they have none to give. So I found myself wandering round aimlessly 'like the great economy rocket of China, not knowing where I was going'. I came upon a hotel, which was open, eventually the hostel I staying at, sent someone to come and collect me, I was about twelve minutes away, not bad considering. The hostel is a Naxi house near the foot of the Himalayas, I want to sleep and shower, but its daytime and it's too cold/early to face showering outside. I don't change. I eat fruit and head off into the mountains, stepping back in time to a small village where I meet Dr Ho, a famous Chinese herbalist and a wonderful man, warm and welcoming, although less enthusiastic to my Japanese companions. I watch the cows being herded down the street, gaze up at the snow-capped mountains and drink baiju with the local men, they stare at us eating rice noodles. I feel privileged to be at this very point in time and wonder how long this place will remain as it is.

Grimefest in Hong Kong - sleep no.1

I arrived on Nathan Road Monday morning it’s 9am and Chung King Mansions is a blackest tooth on the strip. It’s fairly quiet yet there is still a hoard of ethic men, both disapproving and objectifying in their lingering glances.

After a sleep I head out to dinner at a Tiffany’s place it’s late night before I return, yet before arriving at the relative safety (save a little insect-y) of my tiny room I must run the gauntlet The men like the insects have multiplied an overwhelming number of African, Indian, Eastern, Asian men who make up the occupants of this crumbling dirty block are out, its peak time and there is not another single (or otherwise) female in sight. I stroll up with my white legs on display looking every bit the obvious tourist complete with passport, camera, wad of cash - I’m surrounded by fifteen dodgy looking men. The queue for the lift lasts a lifetime; I feel eyes on me from all directions. The elderly lift arrives, we squash in and it buckles under the weight, the full lift light flashes scornfully, a man with a bowl of pilau rice grunts and departs the cubicle. The CCTV is broken, there is no video evidence to protect me, and the eyes of the fellow passengers are aimed below my face directly at my chest. 2nd floor, 4th floor, 6th floor - I get out, disorientated I head off in the wrong direction, wait for the doors to close, perform a quick u-turn and I’m in my guest house, well not my guest house, I booked under a different name, yet this was the one I was allocated, like the BA and Quantas code share there was no choice as to where I ended up.

I have woken to drilling; constant and yet varying in pressure, a multitude of vibrations (reportedly this was the quiet block). 4,000 people live in Chung King it is a total dump. Justifiably down there with the cheapest accommodation in Kowloon.

I head off with three objectives (all consumer based – we are in Hong Kong after all) – new camera, battery for my laptop and a mobile phone for China. My challenge serves as a reminder of my foreign status, nothing is simple nothing is quick. I wander with purpose to several stores, yet soon my energy wanes, a wild goose chase through a dense metropolis of neon and hawkers, “you want tailor miss?” “Copy Rolex lady?” “Hostel lady?” My tasks lead me into a hidden building, armed with the address of a laptop repair centre I find myself on the 11th floor of yet another dodgy eastern looking building. Ahead are two open doors with pink lights glowing, outside lingers a man confused and embarrassed by my presence, he is on the phone, I move closer to the doorway, inside a series of rooms, more pink lights, I think I’m in the wrong place. Excited by my find and disappointed with my lack of camera I leave with a smirk on my face (so that’s why that old man started talking in Chinese at me when I headed out of the lift). My buying trip isn’t going well, I try to barter with the mobile phone street sellers but they seem pretty moody. Disheartened by time running away I wander down a side street into my fourth camera store, on display an array of lens options - Hassleblad, Leica, Cannon fill the room. I feel reassured by the content and consult my authorised dealer list provided to me at Cannon showroom earlier, bingo! It’s the real deal! I exit 10 minutes later financially and emotionally lighter, yet with the weight of a G12 dangling round my neck. The ‘nice man at the camera store’ also tells me where I need to go next – a further 10 minutes later I am back on Nathan Road with the coveted laptop battery in my backpack. Seizing the wave of contentment I sack off the mobile phone purchase and head off to the star ferry with sight seeing on the agenda.


my first shot of the harbour, I already heart my precious picture taking device